People's Reactions

Hello, it is Chris here. In this article, I want to talk about the reactions of people when you tell them you are a doll owner. Telling someone that you own a doll is a very nerve-racking and scary thing to do. Given society's view on sex dolls, the big fear is either the loss of a friend or worse, being ostracized by your friends and family. This is why so many doll owners are closeted about it. We have a saying: we are not ashamed of what we do, we are just very selective in whom we tell.  A friend gave me some sage advice about if you should tell someone about your doll. Ask yourself, "What is there to gain by them knowing?" Then ask, "What is there to lose by them knowing?" A person might say that it is not worth telling anyone about it, but that can be very hard if you are very passionate about your doll (not sex-related, see this for more info), then you will want to share as it is what makes you happy or even is a creative outlet.

 

Something very important to keep in mind when talking to someone about your doll is to remember where they are coming from. Our society says that 'Sex Dolls = Sexual Deviant'. And 'Sexual Deviant' is a danger to them, their children, society, etc. That is the view just about everyone has about dolls before getting involved with a doll or doll owner.  For some people, this is too far ingrained in their minds and they will never get past it. For some, as soon as they hear "Sex Doll," they close their ears and no longer hear what you are saying. I think the reason some people are like that is that in our society is we do not talk openly about sex. Think about it. When was the last time to injected into a public conversion with your friends and family about your sexual proclivities? Never. We just don't do that. This is where the issue is for some because, since 'Sex Doll = Sexual Deviant', they think that sex is what you are talking about, all your personal and private things you do with your doll. When in fact, you are trying to share with them the artistic outlet the doll has become or how the doll has helped you heal. 

 

Like in the last article, I am going to put the reactions into groups for ease of understanding, however, these are my definitions.

 

 

Very Interested

These are people who, when you tell them about your doll, are very interested. They will ask you questions. You probably won't hear any judgment in their questions as they seem genuinely interested. Their motivations could be that they are interested in possibly getting a doll themselves or maybe they have their own "closeted" thing they do. Western society has a lot of hang-ups about sex. 

 

It is okay, but let's never talk about it.

This is pretty common among good friends. These are people who know you well and value your friendship, however, find sex dolls an uncomfortable topic. When you tell them, they will listen and ask a few questions. However, they will never bring the doll up in conversation again and if you do, they will listen but look slightly uncomfortable. The friendship survives.

 

Bothered and concerned

These are typically family and friends that would normally fall into the "It is okay, but let's never talk about it" group, only because of their love for you (and their lack of understanding), will periodically bring up the doll in a way that shows their concern. You will hear them say things like "You know that isn't normal?" or "Does this mean you are never going to date again?" Their heart is in the right place and if you are just patient with them, they will gradually be more accepting of your doll.

 

  

 

The Ally

I have to admit, this is a new concept to me. I have two such people in my life right now.  These are people who are interested in what the doll has done for you but don't own a doll themselves. I think these are the people that in our society, knowing that talking about sex is taboo, realize that is not what you are talking about. These are people you can truly open up to about your feelings and emotions and they will listen and support you. At the same time, they don't own a doll, nor plan on purchasing one. These are people who can see the good that dolls can do for people and fully support people with dolls as they know that the doll helps you heal and grow. These are people that, even though you are not romantically involved with, will create a safe place for you to open up about your feelings without fear of it being used against you or being made fun of.

 

Loss of a friend

 The next two reactions are the worst case and what doll owners fear. Some people will be appalled at the idea of a sex doll. They cannot get past "Sex Doll = Sexual Deviant". They probably won't come out and say they are uncomfortable around you, but they will begin to distance themselves from you. However, because they respect you, they won't tell others about you and your doll.

 

The Frightened Villager

This is the absolute worst reaction that someone can have. If you are familiar with the book "Frankenstein," then you will know that the real antagonists (bad guys) are the town villagers. These people, upon hearing that you have a sex doll, go out and tell all their friends, including those you have in common. They will even go tell your family. Now they won't grab their pitchforks and torches and try to run you out of town, but what they do is the modern version of it. They will Dox you. These people will get together and begin to harass or mock the doll owner. They will start talking behind the person's back, making memes degrading the person. They basically out you. These people will then all begin to pull away. A few of them might contact you to find out the truth, but most will distance themselves from you. This hurts as 1) you lose friends. 2) You feel betrayed as you opened up to someone you thought you could trust but instead, they betrayed you. 3) It can make you feel bad for having the doll. What once had brought you healing and joy, suddenly reminds you of the betrayal. The actions these people take is nothing but bullying. I would hope that as a society that tells their children that it is wrong to bully someone would follow our own instructions, but sadly for some, This isn't true.

 

 Dolls In Public

So far, I have only talked about people's reactions when a doll owner tells someone about their doll, can you image what it would be like to take a doll out in public? Doll Owners are typically closeted. Can you imagine if they tried to take their doll out in public? The Frightened Villager would be on full display.  Let me give you an example.

 

Imagine that I want to take my doll out for our 1 year anniversary. I dress her up in a beautiful dress, nice shoes. I do her make-up and hair. I then take her to the theater, put her in her wheelchair (because she can't walk). We then go to get our tickets (since she would be taking a space that a paying customer could be, I would buy a ticket for her). Then we go get some popcorn and a drink (we decide to share). Then we would make our way to the seats. However, probably before I get our seats, I will be confronted by the manager asking me to leave as I am making his customers uncomfortable. You see, just about everyone at the theater would complain to the manager that I had a sex doll in front of children, and the public believes that "Sex Doll = Sexual Deviant", therefore, having the doll in public is inappropriate and perverse. It does not matter that she is fully dressed (dressed better than most everyone in the theater) and I have make no romantic move towards her (like kiss her).  Now, it might seem a bit bleak for doll owners. It kind of feels like we will never be accepted, but I have hope.  Let me explain.

 

Let's do the same scenario but with a gay couple (two guys) that want to go to the movie to celebrate their 1 year anniversary together. (They are not married yet.) So they get all dressed up and go to the theater. They walk up, holding hands, and buy their tickets, then go get some popcorn and a drink before heading to their seat. They walk hand in hand, being an obvious couple. They will be able to watch the movie and go home, having had a wonderful evening. The worse that could happen is they run into a "Karen" that mumbles her disapproval of their life style, but that is all she could do. If she were to go to the manager to complain, the manager would tell her if she didn't like it, she could leave.

 

How does a gay couple going to the movie theater give me hope? Simple, let's take the same gay couple going to the movie theater, only just change the date to the 1950s. Now that gay couple is going to be asked to leave the theater for the same reasons I would be today with my doll. If the LGBT can change society so they can be open in public, then so can we. But how do we do that? I would argue that in the 1950s/1960s, the LGBT experienced all these reactions, and now they don't.

 

 

 Conclusion

 So, how do we help the world understand the true nature of dolls and doll owners? How do we make it so that we are not afraid of telling family and friends about our dolls? How do we change society to be more accepting of our lifestyle? How do we get beyond the "Sex Doll = Sexual Deviant?" I have a few ideas.

1. The first step is education. We cannot convince everyone that what we do is "normal." Like the Karen in our example of the gay couple, there will always be people that disagree with our lifestyle. The difference in our gay couple example between the 1950s and now isn't the Karen, but the reactions of everyone else. In the 1950s, everyone believed "Gay=Sexual Deviant". As such they all feared it. However, today, most people understand that gay does not mean sexual deviant.  They understand the LGBT life styles enough to no longer fear it. That is why when today a Karen tries to complain about someone that is LGBT, no one gathers their pitchforks and torches. That is where we need to get to. We need enough of the population to understand that Sex Doll does not equal Sexual Deviant. How do we educate the public? We need people in the doll community to write about it or to create videos about. We need to get the word out. This is easier said than done, as even as I create these articles, I fear being doxed.
2. Another step we need to take for people is to start taking their dolls out in public and to do mundane, everyday things (like going to the store). I will admit, although I love the idea of taking my doll out in public, I am not the person to do this. That is why I admire so much those that do. I know of a few doll owners that do. One person took his doll on a train trip/vacation to the south of France. Another routinely takes his doll shopping. We need these kind of people who have overcome the fear of being outed. These people then can show the public the normalcy (or at least the non-sexual deviant) of doll ownership.
3. Time and Patience. Things like this do not change overnight in a society. We need to be patient and give people time. We need to show them more love than they show us hate. We cannot convince everyone, but we don't need to. We only need to convince enough people so when a villager cries "Sex Doll," everyone else says "So what?" We need to let our actions speak louder than our words.

 

I can truly see a day where people can be open about their dolls without fear of doxing and ostracization, however, because of my age, I fear I won't live to see that day. Sorry, I got a little preachy on this but this is near and dear to my heart. I had a very dear friend that opened up to a "friend" and she totally doxed him. It devastated him. I hated to see him go through such pain. At the same time, it scares me that I might go through that too one day.

 

If you are reading this and are not part of the doll community, I hope that, should someone come to you, telling you they have a doll, that you will keep your ears open and try to see beyond the "Sex Doll = Sexual Deviant" and realize that the person that told you that just opened up to you about something very, very personal. And if you can't do that, then please, don't be hateful and try to mock and dox the person. You are better than that.

 

Lots of Love

 

Chris